I’m not going to lie, that number hurt when I saw it flash onto the face of my digital scale. I also accused my scale of lying to me and of having some secret agenda. There may or may not have been accusations of treachery bandied about. I then got back on the scale, two more times, to make sure the numbers hadn’t changed. They hadn’t. I gained 3.4 lbs this week.
I really didn’t want to post that.
I wanted to crawl back into bed and forget that I ever decided to post anything. But one of the main reasons I started posting was to hold myself accountable. So I reminded myself that I am not the first person to do a little back sliding when trying to lose weight. And that it was important for me, if not for anyone else, to not only face up to the gain, but to figure out why I gained.
Part of it was food related.
That part I knew was coming. There were two birthday meals this week and I was asked to cook birthday favorites. One of these was lasagna. Now it is not a bad food. Everything in it is very good. It is just heavier than I am now accustomed to eating. It has red sauce made from tomatoes and herbs from my garden. While I have a certain amount of pride in making the sauce, I also like that I can flavor it exactly how I want from pot to plate and there is no hidden anything in it’s make up. I know every ingredient in the sauce. In addition there was ricotta, mozzarella, parmesan, lasagna noodles and sweet italian sausage. Personally, I like my lasagna without the meat, but it was not my birthday. It was accompanied by a crisp salad paired with homemade caesar dressing and garlic bread I baked myself.
I forgot how much I like baking.
I also baked the cake, chocolate with raspberry filling and topped with chocolate buttercream. Then we went out for fruity, fruity drinks that had way more sugar than the cake and not enough alcohol to balance them. But that may just be me. When I indulge it is either with a glass of wine or a dry martini, preferably made with Plymouth gin and Noilly Prat Vermouth. My favorite gin actually, just make sure you get the regular instead of the ‘Navy Strength’. I made that mistake once. It turns out I am not Navy strength. But I digress, in general though fruity cocktails aren’t really my thing in the first place.
It wasn’t a bad meal. And it is one I only make once a year. which is probably why there were no left overs. (the few slices of cake left behind went home with the birthday boy.) Because the truth is, I may be the one on the diet, but none of us eat like that on the regular any more. So we all enjoyed ourselves and had a good celebration.
That was Tuesday. Last night we had a second celebration. Pot roast, yorkshire pudding, salad, creamed peas, and lemon meringue pie with wine.
Again, not everyday foods, but enjoyed by all and with very few left overs. The pie was again sent to another fridge instead of remaining in mine.
Do I regret any of this? No. A good time was had by all and I enjoyed making the food. I enjoyed eating the food as well, even though I did limit myself. Even if my weight gain doesn’t make it seem that way. I was good about what I ate but not obnoxious about it. That would ruin the point of the celebration. Just as I didn’t skimp on the ingredients when I made the food. If you only make a dish once a year, you don’t substitute zucchini slices for pasta sheets unless there is a very pressing reason that involves an epi pin and potential death.
At least in my world.
I think I would have been okay had it only been one big meal this week, but there were two. And it put me in mind of the way I ate before I started slimming down my menus. I began paying attention to my weight shortly after christmas last year. That means last winter and autumn I was accustomed to having routinely large meals and thought nothing of it. While I am still a few months shy of a year on this journey, my body has changed. I don’t mean dress size and weight wise, I mean internal processes. I am used to smaller dinners now and my body reacted.
This week I went to bed with my dinner weighing heavily on my belly. I slept poorly and felt really draggy in the mornings. Since I didn’t eat any really ‘bad for me foods’ or at least foods my body considers bad, I think it was just the sheer volume of the calories and the time of night I ate.
In our house if a heavy meal is going to be consumed it is on a Saturday or Sunday and it is eaten mid day so that by the time I go to bed, my belly has had time to work on things a bit. A large meal at night is no longer the norm and because of it my internal operating systems were affected.
I was also less interested in working out this week. It was a struggle for me to get going. I was fine once I was in motion and inertia took over, but getting started was more of a problem for me this week than usual and truthfully, I don’t think I put my best effort in.
While I’d like to blame the food and outsource some of the responsibility, part of it was internal. I had a bunch of projects newly completed and I was recently slammed with deadlines. My brain was pulled into the details and they ran through my head in a constant stream, whether I was awake or asleep.
Again that was my fault, I over estimated the openness of my schedule and said yes a few times when I should have said no. It meant that last week, I didn’t sleep much either. So I started the week tired and worn. As one of my friend’s eight year old son put it after making it through a particularly hard exam, “My brains broke and leaked out of my ears. Now I can’t think for a while.”
I kind of felt like that at the end of last week.
But my broken brains made it through this week. Sure there was nearly a three and a half pound gain, but the next large meal in my calendar is Thanksgiving so I can easily get the food back on track. My broken brains are on the mend and spending time with good friends, helped my internal batteries recharge. Hopefully this leads to less reluctance on my part to make it to through my workouts. So weight wise, it was a setback, but it isn’t a permanent one. That is the important part.
I know it is less than inspiring to hear about someone on a diet gaining weight, but posting this helped me to actually think through why I gained weight this week. Thinking it through and understanding the reasons, helps keep me from getting discouraged and keeps me moving forward. Because let’s face it, I still have a long way to go. If any of you are going through similar set backs, I hope you can at least take solace in the fact that you are not alone and keep pushing through your rough patches, whatever the cause.
So to the stats:
Staring weight: 246 lbs
Last week’s weight: 208.2
This week’s weight: 211.6
This week’s change: +3.4 lbs (sigh)
Total loss so far: 34.4 lbs
Left to lose (apx): 88.6 lbs
I’m sure that next week will be a better week. Have a good weekend.