Weight loss Regime Survival Tip #36: Perky People

I am not one of the worlds most perky people. I will never be the one to lead a group cheer or sing along. Sarcasm is my home turf. I don’t know if you can lead a group in mocking, but if you could then I would be your gal. Just think of the cheer replacements.

‘They think their team is going to win, what do we say to that?”

(crowd call back) ‘Oh really.’

Remember everyone, draw out the words of the call back response and favor the opposing team with the one eyebrow lifted head tilted look we practiced all week for optimum mockitude to really cause them to question their self worth.

I really think Mock Squad could catch on. It would certainly take the first group of cheerleaders favored with it by surprise. And just think of the game day t-shirt motifs. And the pep rallies.

Although technically I don’t think you can call them pep rallies. But hey, if your team has a history of not taking home the trophy, this could be a method that works for you.

Okay, a little off track. As I said, perky isn’t my wheelhouse. It is however where my mother lives so I have had to visit on occasion.

I was issued a passport.

Under normal circumstances, this is not a bad thing. The world needs both perky people and those who favor sarcasm. It would go off kilter if all of us were only one of those options. A world unbalanced would be utter madness and no one would be happy for very long. It needs us both.

The problem is that the world of fitness and weightloss is ruled and completely dominated by those who tend to live more on the perky side of the spectrum. Which can be a bit daunting. I was reminded of this more forcibly this week when I hauled out some of my old work out DVDs in an attempt to add variation to my routine.

Man, that’s a lot of perk.

Now if you are the sort of person who responds well to enthusiastic encouragement – You can do it – Go team go – All that matters is that you just keep trying woooo – then this tip might not be for you. If you don’t always respond well to cheerleader style encouragement or are friends with someone in this category, you might find this helpful.

For those of you not wanting the perky vs. sarcastic line, then think of it as the eternal Mills vs. Nitzschke. Put simply, Mills claimed it was the intent that mattered regardless of whether you are successful or not (Go team go, it doesn’t matter if you’ve lost the last 15 games, because you are trying) vs. Nitzschke’s take which can be boiled down to intent only matters if you are successful.

I know sort of an extreme cliff’s notes version but at least you can say you learned something.

Although I can mentally see both philosophers spinning in their graves at my descriptions and the use to which their philosophies are being put.

I tried many times to lose weight and failed, often ended up adding more weight than I started with. I finally have a system that works for me. i may be inching forward, but I am still inching. Because of this tried and failed history of mine, the optimistic cheering (Mills) doesn’t work for me. I always have the intent. I have had the intent with every previous diet.

To me, it means very little unless it works.

So I put my inner mocking prowess to work for me. Inside my head (mostly because during workouts I am a) out of breath and b) trying not to annoy others) instead of thinking encouraging thoughts, I mock.

‘You did ten reps on your last visit to the gym. Are you saying that now you can’t do ten reps any more? Oh are they harder to do on Wednesday than they were on Monday? Hmm…imagine that.’

‘You said you were going to add another weight to this machine today because the lighter weights last time were too easy, can you not do five more pounds? Is five pounds just too heavy for you precious?’

I’m sure there is a psychologist out there sighing and wondering when I am coming in for a session, but this isn’t mocking to tear myself down. This is mocking for a cause. I simply don’t respond well to generalized encouragement. I respond well to a plan and a method to keeping me on that plan. I make the plan, adjusting it to what my body is doing and then I use my own internal mocking to keep me on track.

It works for me.

If you try this trick though, be aware, keep it light, you are trying to get yourself to do the additional rep you promised you’d add today, not tear yourself to shreds. Also remember you are in the land where Perky RaRa lives. You just have a day pass. You don’t need to make a stand. You are just there to do what you need to do, not stage a hostile takeover. Accept that, let the perk wash over you and keep the mocking internal.

I’m pretty sure security gets called if you use your out loud voice.

Just know, you aren’t the only one out there. And soon you can return to where sarcasm lives.

Don’t worry, we’ll have a cold dry martini waiting.

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