The Daily: October 26th, 2020

Don’t you love those days when the weather man tells you there will be no rain but the clouds remain low and the air feels saturated? Technically he is right, there is no rain, but the air feels damp enough to wring and there are swarms of midges in the shadows.

I went on my walk today, but it was like swimming with my clothes on. Not a pleasant feeling. But I got my walk in. There was leftover pound cake this weekend but at least the lion’s share went to my baby doll. He claimed that he was jumping on it so that I would not be inflicted with the calories, but I’m pretty sure it was an excuse.

But I still appreciate it.

Since starting to diet I don’t bake nearly as much as I used to and generally I just bake sandwich bread instead of cakes and sweets. As a consolation I told my baby doll I would make cinnamon rolls for thanksgiving morning since we aren’t going anywhere this year. He has been ticking off the days like a count down.Homemade cinnamon rolls are one of his weaknesses. Mine too if I am honest. They are really hard to resist when straight from the oven and newly covered with icing. which is why I have to be careful with them. Last year I made them for his birthday morning (Early January) and I haven’t made them since so it is time.

Despite the high humidity today, cooler weather has started easing in and the heavier comfort foods are starting to look awfully tempting. I have always had a problem eating salads in the winter. Not only do cold salads not seem appealing, but I grew up with gardeners, like hard core gardeners and there comes a point where a salad in the winter just seems wrong as something in the back of my brain says ‘this should not be here’.

I know we live in a time where virtually any food could be gotten at virtually any time, but butter lettuce in the winter seems wrong. So the last of the salad is being eaten this week and next week we move into the winter diet. Spaghetti squash, Acorn and delicata squashes will all abound.Three bean salad will arrive and Soups will dominate the culinary landscape. I love soups and broths over the winter months.

Next weekend I will be making my first bulk batch of soup and dividing it into individual lunch sized portions. Most of it will go into the freezer to be taken out as needed. This is the last week of the warm weather diet though (Mostly because we still have salad greens in the fridge to use up, and then we are off to the warm and filling, yet surprisingly low cal winter fare. Normally we would have started this at the end of September, but it is just now getting to be cold enough to think about making a cauldron of soup. But for now I am off to the showers. I tried to use the dry shampoo to get through the rest of the day, but alas, the dry shampoo is just not cutting it. I did a quick rinse down when I returned but it was just not enough, so full shower, here I come. Then later tonight we continue out pre halloween week of films with Nosferatu. deliciously spooky.


Weekly Weight: 216.4 lbs

The Scale: October 23rd, 2020

Okay I am calm and relaxed. I know I was a bit of a mess yesterday. And as I suspected, I was a bit of a mess all the way upto the time the car pulled into the driveway. Then I was calm and relaxed. The visit was short and fun. I enjoyed myself immensely.

And once it was over I sort of collapsed.

Yeah, I wore myself out. And I apologize for the super stressed out daily post from yesterday. That was just the first time anyone who doesn’t live under my roof has been closer than my mailbox since March. It was surprisingly nerve wracking.

But it is done and we are moving on. With the exception of yesterday’s pound cake I did pretty good this week in following my diet and exercise routine. As my plan had to adapt mid week, I am pleased to see my efforts pay off. At the moment the place where I can see my efforts the most is in the bottom of my sneakers. I have some worn patches on them that let me know, I really need to replace them soon. Luckily I have their replacements ready and waiting.

So to the stats we go.

Starting Weight: 246 lbs

Last week’s Weight: 217.6 lbs

This week’s weight: 216.4 lbs

Lost this week: 1.2 lbs

Lost over all: 29.6 lbs.

So this week was more stressful than it had to be, but I still managed to get the scale to go down a little. My slow and steady progress is still slow and steady. Sometimes frustratingly slow. But that is just my instant gratification button wanting to be pushed. I’ll live if it isn’t. And in fact I’ll be better if it isn’t. Rapid weight loss makes me think that something wrong has occurred. I just need to temper my own impatience. And be happy about losing over a pound this week. As stress usually causes me to gain weight, that is minor miracle. And yes part of the impatience is due to yesterday’s visit and photos shared. But comparing myself to others won’t get me anywhere in the weight loss game. It just makes me feel impatient with my own body and that is never a good start. So I am shoving away my impatience and celebrating my 1.2 lbs loss this week with an extra walk through the park. I’m also going to spend the weekend immersed in Vincent Price horror movies which will not only kick of our in house week before Halloween fright fest, but it will switch the mental gears from comparing myself to others to wondering what you actually say to a contractor when you want to build a pit of acid in your basement. seriously, how do you commission that? Not that I intend to install one. Or even have a basement. But I have always been curious.

So 1.2 lbs gone (woo Hoo!), celebratory walk on tap and a weekend filled with old school horror. That’s me sorted. Hope you are up for your weekend.

Weekly Weight: 217.6 lbs

The Scale October 16th, 2020

Not as large a drop as last week, but I am all for slow and steady progress. It chafes because I want instant results, but it is something I can maintain. Plus, I probably wouldn’t trust instant results.

And I feel pretty good this week, healthwise.

Some residual stuffiness due to weather changes, but as the changing weather took down the ragweed my eyes are feeling the relief even if my nose has yet to reap the benefits. while this happens every year, this year it is kind of interesting. One sniffle and everyone around you suddenly looks at you as though you are Typhoid Mary.

It has been interesting. First off you can automatically tell who has allergies of any sort because they just look at you and say, ragweed? And then you nod and everyone goes about their business. Because it’s kind of an issue where I live. Those with no allergies look momentarily concerned until area logic kicks in. The best reactions are from those people still running around without masks. They have a monetary flash of panic, despite the fact that I am wearing a mask.

It is amusing. A dark amusement, but an amusement nonetheless.

But soon enough the thermometer will stop yo-yoing and settle into autumn, with temps decreasing into winter. My nose will settle down, the sniffing will stop. Until spring of course when the seasons once again fight for dominance. Personally. I’m just glad autumn finally managed to get a few punches into summer. For a while it didn’t look like it was going to win the fight and have to just tag in Winter fo the KO.

Or at least that is how it seemed here.

But the end result is that (nose not withstanding) I feel good about what I did this week. My exercise was consistent, my calories were pretty much on point. My one indulgence this week was really the commiserating glass of Reisling to make me feel better about electronic malfunctions. I also felt better about getting it out of the fridge as it had been there longer than I felt comfortable leaving an open bottle of wine around. The last glass was still lovely, but you could sort of taste that it wasn’t going to remain lovely for very much longer. so at least it didn’t go to waste.

So, to the stats!

Starting Weight: 246 lbs

Last week’s weight: 218.2 lbs

This week’s weight: 217.6 lbs

This week’s loss: 0.6 lbs

Total loss thus far: 28.4 lbs

Like I said above, it wasn’t a huge loss, but it was a loss. And it is a loss I feel good about. I didn’t starve myself or massively over indulge. I dodged the rain to get my walks in, but got a walk in most days this week. It felt like a good week over all. Minus the electronic angst. That i could have lived without.

The Daily: October 14th, 2020

Today the sun was shining and over night the scavengers had time to clear out the unfortunate creekbed remains and the midge swarms are once again hiding in the shadows. So I was able to take my walk with out feeling like i was walking through a fishmongers after an extended power outage.

Deep breaths my darlings!

Inhale the actual air from the world outside.

And revel in the fact that the ragweed was smacked by the cold snap last night and making the eyes as happy as the lungs. That’s right, no itchy watery eyes for me today!

I see clearly, I breathe deeply and I crunched my way over the dried mud scales that currently coat the walking trail. While not the best of surfaces, the dried mud is not slick so no skidding down the hill for me today either.

It was quite pleasant, in fact it was so pleasant after I post this, I may go on a second afternoon stroll. more calories burned and more pressure put on the new deodorant i am trying out. If you recall from yesterday’s post, on a whim I picked up a new natural deodorant to try out. It is the Cucumber and Mint from Native.

After my first walk this morning I came in with still non-stinky armpits. However my skirt’s armpits were very very wet. I know it is a deodorant and not an antiperspirant but I was not expecting such damp cloth. I was wearing a black shirt so there were no noticeable pit stains. But the feel of the wet cloth was not my favorite.

I don’t mind sweating on my walk. Half the time everyone I pass is just as sweaty and messy as I am so that doesn’t bother me. The issue might be what happens when I test it out in a shirt sitting at my desk. I may have a lot of black clothing but not everything is dark and some clothes would definitely show stains. I think once I’ve determined that it doesn’t make me stinky when I’m working out, I will see about the non-work out results. There also may be an adjustment period as I just changed deodorants this past week.

But phase one, the not stinky in public phases is going well so far. If it remains so, I will move into Phase 2 testing. but for now I don’t stink. Having said that, I think i am going to take advantage of the very nice day outside and go for a walk. I may regret it when I have to play catch up tomorrow but my meetings are done for the day and quite frankly the sunshine and cooler temps are calling me to play. Resistance is futile.


Weekly Weight: 218.2 lbs

The Scale, October 9th, 2020

I know I am running a little behind today, but this morning has been a little surreal. I got up and stripped down to step on the scale. I stepped on the scale, took the picture and wiggled in a little happy dance. I may not believe that the scale’s numbers are the end all be all of my life but it is nice to have some validation of my efforts.

However as I reached for my clothes and began to dress, still bobbing my head to an impromptu happy dance. To the tune of “two pounds gone, oh yeah, two pounds gone, the sweat was worth it.”

Okay calling it a tune might be stretching the truth and possibly be an insult to music in general. But I was dancing to it nonetheless. When suddenly my bedroom was filled with flashing blue lights.

Sadly my first thought was “My dancing’s not that bad”.

I then realized I was still half naked and that if the police were indeed hunting me down for some unknown misdeed then I wanted to be fully clothed. So I finished dressing very quickly.

Turns out the police did not want to take me in for crimes against music. They were here for one of my neighbors. Incidentally the neighbor whose radio caused me to think i was going insane earlier in the week.

I have no idea what is up. In general I live in a pretty quiet neighborhood. Its one of those neighborhoods that is in the process of transitioning. We have a lot of folks who have lived here for fifty years and if they leave they are either going to an assisted living facility or the funeral home. Then we have a couple of young families with really little kids. Excitement in my neighborhood generally means an ambulance and the start of the house finding a new owner or my neighbor with dementia accusing one of the other neighbors of stealing her fudge pops.

For diabolical purposes I’m certain.

But I’m sure later I will find out what is going on with the neighbor and the police. with everyone working from home more (at least those that aren’t retired) gossip spreads along the walking trail even with everyone more than six feet away. which also means it is spread loudly to over come both distance and masks so you get to hear everything. I now know gossip about people I’ve never met. it’s kind of fun.

Anyway, that is for later. At the moment, I am happy my sweat paid off and my weight is going back down. Two pounds is a great loss for me this week and quite frankly provided me with the encouragement I needed to keep going. The weight gain from the month without a scale really got me down. this makes me want to continue. So to the new and improved stats!

Starting weight: 246 lbs

Last week’s Weight: 220.2 lbs

This week’s weight: 218.2 lbs

Lost this week: 2 lbs

Lost in total: 27.8 lbs

I am no longer putting a goal weight as I am just going to work at chipping away the excess until I feel healthy and am in a healthy weight range according to my doctor. I can use the scale as a tool without being ruled by it. And I can still enjoy the two lbs loss happy dance. It is not even illegal, as far as I know.

The Daily: October 8th, 2020

Sleep. Such a beautiful thing. And last night, I managed to find it. So too, apparently did my neighbor. Or if he didn’t then at least his late night driving around the neighborhood was sans radio.

It was bliss.

Actually I was tired enough that I woke up feeling like someone hit me with a brick in the middle of the night. I also woke up in the same position as when I went to sleep, which almost never happens. I think I just conked out.

But I felt a lot better. My walk today did not feel as though my feet were made of lead. Which I consider a bonus for my workouts.

Less appealing was the humidity. The temps may still be low but the humidity went sky high today so I was sweating buckets. I kept telling myself it was good for the skin and that sweating purges toxins. I think I might have tried telling myself I was getting that post exercise glow. That lie didn’t last as I looked in the mirror when I got back to the house. There was no post work out glow. I just looked like a drowned rat.

So I cooled off, took a shower and decided I earned the trip to the drug store to look for replacement e.l.f. foundations. It turned into a bit more of a saga than I anticipated. I struck out at three drug stores and ended up at Target. But I found one of the products I was looking for. I also found out the one I loved has been discontinued. This week I’ll have to see if the new one stacks up against the replacement. They aren’t the same. One was a tinted moisturizer and the other is an acne fighting foundation. The link will take you to it if you want specifics early. I’ll spend some time poking around on the elf site later and see if I missed anything. At the moment elf has free shipping with orders over $15 in case you are looking to shop. I have to say it was really hard not to pick up other products while I was at Target. It is one of my downfalls. I tend to pick up an item when I see it or need it and then when I go onto the site to take advantage of the sales I realize I have already picked up all I wanted. So I’m trying to control the impulse buying and the need for the immediate so that i can just add in my wishlist when I do bulk orders for the holidays. I already know I will be ordering at lest three of the Bite sized palettes this holiday season. Seriously, good eyeshadow for $3, can we say stocking stuffers for thirteen year olds? I think we can.

Its actually amazing. I started adding things up and then I had to call parents to double check my ages because I thought I might have gotten them wrong. There are a surprising number of twelve and thirteen year olds on my list this year. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised as everyone starting having kids at the same time. I just didn’t realize that we were entering the land of the teenager.

Fun stuff, and a not to bad day in total. I slept, I walked, I recorded my calories and I am maintaining the stance that I sweated out toxins. I don’t know what those toxins would be but I feel confident I sewated them out. I may not be able to convince myself of the post work out glow thanks to the mirror, but I am sticking with the toxin removal. It makes me feel better about the sweat fest. Now I am off to rehydrate and to finish out the last of my day. Tomorrow morning I am back on the scale and we will see if I managed to take a step forward.

SodaStream USA, inc

Weekly Weight: 220.2 lbs

Weigh in October 2, 2020

Yeah, I almost had a heart attack when i saw the numbers on the scale this morning. I knew my control slipped and that I greenlighted far more comfort foods in the past month than usual. I also let my portion control slip when I stopped logging my calories.

But what is done is done. I can’t wallow. Although I will admit to some very harsh words to myself this morning. Then I actually stopped and realized I wouldn’t actually say those things to anyone else and that I certainly didn’t need to hear them from myself.

So at least that is progress of a sort.

What matters now is not letting this setback become permanent. It happened and it is a good reminder of what happens when I stop paying attention, but it isn’t permanent. It is just my new starting point.

I won’t lie I thought I might gain a couple of pounds, but I didn’t expect this and I am somewhat disappointed in myself. However, I know I took a month off from the scale for a good reason. I also now know that I am still at a point where the scale is a tool I need to use to keep me on track. Clearly it helps me reinforce my good decisions and provides a marker for a course correction when I make bad ones. So this was what a month with no accountability got me.

I need the accountability of the weekly weigh in. And so it returns.

I’ll get over my disappointment in myself and keep moving forward. As a very good friend of mine once told me, ‘Failures are either lessons that propel you forward or weights that hold you back.’ The situation was completely different, but the theory remains the same. I’ve learned lessons, about both my weight and myself this month. I will let them guide me as I move on and not weld me into place.

Yeah I know. Sarcasm and mocking come naturally to me, positive thinking takes effort. And while I’ll never be the eternal optimist/cheerleader sort of person, in this instance it is important to set the disappointment to the side. In case you were wondering in high school my sports were Fencing and Debate. If I couldn’t skewer you with words, I went for the sword. Not a lot of cheerleaders for Fencing. Although I bet their cheers would just be simply awesome. I’m sure lunge and riposte would be just beat the word Defense hollow in cheer format.

But I suppose now I need to work on my riposte and be my own cheerleader. And at least trying to think up fencing and/or weight loss related cheers prevents me from wallowing. Humor may be a defense mechanism, but sometimes it keeps your brain from breaking. And I’d rather laugh than beat myself up for what is already done. So, as I move forward we have the new stats.

Starting Weight: 246 lbs

This week’s Weight: 220.2 lbs

I kept my original weight because it reminds me that I am not back to square one no matter how much it feels like it at this moment in time. I also am not adding my last weigh in because it is in the past and if I see it, I will dwell upon it and start to wallow. next week I will add the change in weight from this week’s record. (although the other weights are still posted so you can see them for yourself if you’d like). I am also leaving off the goal weight as I don’t want to fixate on a number and instead just focus on reaching a weight where I feel good and is within the range of healthy weight for my body type according to the doctor.

So the big scare first official weigh in back is complete. It was scary, but I get through it, and you can’t always walk away and hid from what scares you. Unless it is a knife wielding maniac. Then you should probably run and hide. And call the police. But scary things like facing the scale and weight gain. This is something I can do. A scary thing I can face. And if you are in the same boat, I know that you can do it too.

The Daily: October 1st, 2020

It has returned.

Mere moments ago, my scale was brought back into the house. I agreed to a month long separation, but now it is back in my bathroom.

I have to say i was ready to face it again. I was ready to find out if I did gain weight or not and I was ready to restart my weekly weigh ins. I felt confident and secure.

And then the scale arrived.

Don’t get me wrong, I know the number it projects is not the end all be all of my existence. I just sort of feel like I am about to take a test i forgot to study for. Suddenly I’m realizing how many exemptions I either talked myself into or let myself be talked into by my baby.

And I can’t blame him, I went along with him when he suggested take out.

I know he is only going to be as healthy as I make him be. If he suggested take out and I suggested a healthier at home alternative he would have sighed a long suffering sigh of a man who really wants to eat his weight in burritos, but he’d go along with my alternative.

Which means as the one with veto power where meals are concerned any exemptions are squarely on my shoulders. And while I did get my walks in when it wasn’t raining, I started skipping my morning you tube workouts. Mostly because I have been fighting insomnia and mornings are not my happy time. I need to either figure out a way to get myself up, or schedule those workouts for later in the day. I’m guessing the latter is going to be my best option. Although with the upcoming time change I might be able to turn that to my advantage. Even though the clock changes to give me an extra hour of sleep, I might change my alarm to sound an hour earlier so my body feels like it is getting up at its normal time. I just might be able to trick myself into getting into that habit. The Spring time change would kill me, but the Fall one I might be able to pull off. Until then, an afternoon workout may be my best alternative.

But good bad or indifferent, tomorrow morning I am stepping on the scale.

Nothing to be scared of at all.

Its just a scale.


Wish me luck.

The Daily: September 28th, 2020

Sunshine!!!!! Oh how I have missed you. After a misty start to the morning, the sky finally cleared and revealed the sun. As it has been raining since Wednesday, it was fantastic. I went on a very long walk. While the sun is not terribly hot, I will say the humidity is fierce.

I returned to the house from my walk looking like it was actually raining outside. I walked straight into the laundry room, stripped off and put everything into the washer before heading directly to the shower. This was not a job for dry shampoo and showerless wipes. No, as fabulous as they are, this was a job for water and shampoo.

Well once the water warmed up it was a job for shampoo. I started off with cool water. It may not be as hot as it has been, but with the humidity I really felt the sun today. Then once I cooled down enough to allow the water to warm up, I called in the shampoo, conditioner and bodywash triumvirate and emerged later clean and feeling like I actually got some excercise.

While I spent much of the weekend sorting clothes and bringing out my fall and winter wardrobe the only activity I managed was moving around inside the house. The rain more or less kept me house bound and made me feel like a lump. The walk made me feel better about things. While I seriously doubt that I will ever be the person who talks about a ‘runner’s high’ – unless I spot some pot smoking joggers and even then I think I would just be impressed by fast moving potheads – I will say that now I am accustomed to walking almost every day, the days I don’t walk my body misses it. When I take a few days off and then get back to walking I always feel like I am clearing out some mental cobwebs. Its a nice feeling. So I was glad to see the sun today.

Something else I was happy to see, Peter Thomas Roth is having a sale on their To Die For Line. I tested out the To Die For Primer from PTR and absolutely loved it. I only had a sample and I put the full size on my list to look into for Black Friday. With this sale I may be able to scratch it off the list early. The sale is To Die For Collection Sale 50% off with Coupon code: TODIEFOR. The sale starts 9/28 12am ET and ends 10/4 11:59 pm ET. The above link will take you to the sale. I don’t get anything if you use the coupon code, it is just the sale code. If you are interested in my review of the Primer you can click here to read it. It was part of my Make Up bag for both the week of May 22 and the following week as there was enough in the sample tube for two weeks of use. It is an excellent mattifying primer. So I saw the sale notice and had to share. Hope you enjoy.

Weekly Weight: Still no scale

Yeah. Turns out I was thinking 30 days and the person who challenged me thought it was until the end of September so My first new official weigh in will be October 2nd and not today.

So one more week without the scale.

I will still do the month in review here and then move forward next week. I strongly suspect I have gained a bit of weight over the past month. That could just be my orderly soul wanting exact measurments and projecting it’s unsettled feeling of being unable to check, but I think it is true.

I also think it is less about the scale and more the official weigh in at the end of the week that keeps me more on track. As I’ve been discussing the scale, even if I couldn’t use it, a lot this month this is the conclusion I have reached.

Each friday morning I get on the scale and see what effects my efforts throughout the week have had in black and white figures. Or at least digital figures. I then, because of this site, have to type in the numbers to let the world (or anyone reading this post) what those numbers are. And I post a picture of the scale so I can’t lie about it. Knowing that I have to do that helps keep me motivated.

Plus there is the past factor. When my weight started ballooning up, I stopped getting on the scale. I simply stopped weighing myself. When I actually committed to losing weight I got on the scale for the first time in at least five years. Before then I hid from it, both the scale and my weight. Committing to a weekly weigh in makes me not hide from it. It forces me to stop and think about my decisipons once a week if nothing else instead of drifting.

There has been a lot of drifting this month. I also have my babydoll who has taken advantage of the lack of scale to start slipping more meat themed meals into the menu plan. I can’t blame him, I let him do it. He’s had some rough instances with crazies at work lately so I didn’t hold as strictly to the standard one dinner with meat per week plan that we have been following. And it isn’t that I’m blaming meat per say, but those nights tend to be heavier meals anyway. Mostly because letting him have those meals is what gets him to agree to more veg heavy meals throughout the week and then Friday is the ‘treat meal’. If he’s craving a breaded pork covered in a sauce made with mushrooms, white wine and heavy cream, then that is the night. I take a smaller portion and admittedly add my friday night treat of an icy cold martini (Plymouth gin, Noilly Prat Vermouth and olive juice, if you please). Of course even the martini is a reasonable size as my martini glasses are straight out of the 1950s instead of the giant glasses as big as my face.

The problem isn’t the Friday night indulgences so much as the fact that he’s sort of had his friday meals creep to Wednesdays as well for a mid week pick me up. Which in all fairness, I let him. So even though the martini stays on Friday, the indulgent meal has doubled. Having the scale as sort of definitive proof that i don’t need to be doing that (although I know I don’t need to be doing that) will help me wrangle the meal plans back into place.

I think the weather change will help with that as well. While the cold veg meals such as the spring roll salad get us through the summer months when it is too hot to turn on the oven for very long, my baby doll tends to find the hot veg themed meals much more soul satisfying. I believe this will aid my wrangling quest.

I know, a lot of navel gazing for a Friday morning. But sometimes, my darlings, one has to spend a little time looking within if the goal is self improvement. which in this case has more to do with understanding the role of the scale in my life instead of actually thinking about weight loss.

So next week is the official October weigh in. If I’ve lost weight – great. If I stayed the same, fine. If I gained weight I will accept that it is not the end of the world, take it as a new start and continue moving on. I will be disappointed, but I will survive. I am willing to accept whatever outcome it is. Because in the end this month was about healthy thinking more than anything else. The reason I am losing weight it to make myself healthier and happier, with fewer aching knee and ankle joints. It is not about the number on the scale, whatever that may be, even if I do squeal and dance as the numbers descend. The happy dance is just for me (and really shouldn’t be seen by anyone else – I’ve heard there are petitions).