The Daily: September 21st, 2020

Oh my darlings, autumn has arrived! Well, okay technically it officially arrives tomorrow I believe, but last night I was startled out of a sound sleep by the sound of the heat actually kicking on. It didn’t stay on long, just about an hour or so and then it clicked back off. But it left that first run of the season scent lingering in the air which made me think the house was on fire for the remainder of the night.

So I didn’t exactly get much sleep.

And had fire related nightmares.

But it was worth losing a little sleep to be able to walk today and not turn into a sweaty pile of goo. For the first time in a few months I actually finished my regular walk and then looked at the walking trail extension, contemplating taking it.

Unfortunately Monday always comes with a long to do list so I decided against it. However tonight when I set up tomorrow’s schedule I might be building in the extension to my plan for the day, because if anything tomorrow is supposed to be a few degrees cooler. Dare I dream that the summer’s heat is finally broken?

Fingers crossed. I could do with a nice long stretch of autumnal weather. I’m not a huge fan of the cold but after this summer I am all for it. If autumn doesn’t feel like hanging on I am perfectly okay with slipping straight into winter. I am just ready to see this beast of a summer end.

You know what else I really wanted to see end? My time without a scale. I was ready for it too. Even if I ended up a few pounds during my free form dieting I was prepared, I just wanted to actually see what the numbers were. And I would like to say that technically the thirty days was up on the 18th so I was just going to weigh myself on the 25th as the first Friday after my 30 days without a scale was done. I felt virtuous in convincing myself to wait until Friday. It was an easy virtue to hold to as the scale still isn’t back in the house.

However the second cousin I was avoiding the scale in support of as she wrestles with her eating disorder and scale obsession informed me that it was the calendar month, not thirty days and that the end of September is when I get the scale back. I was pretty sure it was a test to see if I was as focused on the scale as she thinks everyone one really is even though they hide it (an ongoing conversation) so I breezily said, Oh Okay I’ll just do my official weigh in on October second then, no sweat.

She looked shocked, her mother looked relieved and I was told later that it was indeed a set up no one managed to tell me of in advance because she just knew I was obsessed with the scale too and was waiting to pounce with an AH HA, J’accuse moment.

Family, huh?

So my curiosity will wait another week. I’m about 70% sure it won’t eat me alive before then. On the bright side, at least this week is filled with lovely weather in which I can walk outside without turning into a complete sweat ball. I can live with that.

Weekly Weight: Fourth week no scale

I have to say I am somewhat relieved to see the title. More than anything the curiosity is eating me alive. Living without a scale for a month has been a bit of a trial. I’m glad I did it, and I learned several things about myself in the process, some of which will help me moving forward, others are things I really just need to keep an eye on.

I’ve learned that lists are really handy to keep me moving and motivated. I’ve learned that sometimes my body will let me know when it is not happy with my bad decisions. I’ve also learned that weekends are my weak spots. During the week I am very good at writing down my calories, getting my workouts in and generally staying on track. Once the clock hits end of work on Friday evening, I am not that great at remembering any of those things.

My brain sort of says ‘weekend’ and then shuts off. Part of it is that I am not at my desk as much over the weekend, so logging things in is harder to remember. At my desk I have a note pad set up to jot things down and make sure they are logged. On weekends, I lose that. I think that is also where I miss the scale the most. I really like having that friday accountability. There is no wiggle room. The scale shows the numbers to you in bold numbers. There is no interpretation of feelings. Just the numbers.

Good or bad, those numbers help me on the weekend. If I did well I can talk myself out of a little something extra because I haven’t earned it, and if the numbers are good I can use them to talk myself out of a little something extra because I don’t want to undo all the work I did the week before. without that I sort of drift.

It makes me very worried that this month without the scale I did put on weight. So the 25th is looming large in my mind as the first day back on the scale.

And this past thirty days wasn’t the most placid of months for me either. Admittedly when I had the bank issues with someone hacking my account after dealing with it instead of stress eating I spent time researching voodoo dolls. So that is something at least. Still the stress was strong this month.

I did learn that while I use the scale and it’s number to keep me motivated, the end weight goal is really nit that important to me. I put up the number because it was within the doctor approved healthy range and it was exactly half of my starting weight and thus made a fun goal. But beyond that, it didn’t mean all that much to me.

Also through conversations with a family member who is recovering from an eating disorder, with therapy, I’ve learned to explain why I use the scale as a tool and will continue to use it in a way that is acceptable to her and compatible with my telling her that the scale should not be relied upon for a holy grail number. Its also why I am no longer going to put up a goal number and just continue on my weight loss until I am within a healthy range and not to achieve a specific number.

So over all this month has been a good thing. I will still be relieved to get my scale back (I sent it out of the house so I wouldn’t be tempted to cheat). Even if I did gain weight, which I will consider acceptable this month (even if I don’t really like the possibility) I will be very happy to know my current weight. Its the curiosity that is really getting to me. But for both family and self, it was definitely worth taking a month away from the scale to think about why and how I want to use it moving forward. I don’t now who out there is in the same weight loss boat as I am, but I hope these posts have helped you as well. I will be keeping up my daily posts next week. I might even keep them as a regular feature moving forward. Feel fee to let me know if you’d like to see them continue.

The Daily: September 17th, 2020

Not a lot of walking done today. In fact no walking done today. I woke up this morning and it was pouring buckets. It has yet to stop, so I’m guessing that even if it does, there will be no walking tomorrow either because the park will be flooded.

As a consequence I am counting up my calories and hoping for the best.

The real issue though is that on days when I can’t actually walk, I start to feel twitchy. I am just used to the walking being a part of my day now that my body really starts to miss it. Today I noticed I was getting fidgety and I couldn’t quite figure out why. They I realized the figets started about the same time that I would normally go on my morning walk.

I suppose there are worse habits to form.

Tomorrow morning may start with an extra video work out in an effort to preemptively burn off some of the twitchiness.

I did get a lot done today though which is nice. It was a very productive day withitems being checked off my to do list with careless abandon. I think that has been one of my favorite things I have learned during my time with out a scale. Using the to do lists to just write down everything I need to do (including logging my calories) and then drawing a line through them has made me feel like have gotten a lot done. It makes me feel far more accomplished than I perhaps have a right to feel. Mostly it has kept me organized enough to work on several projects at once without losing track of any of them which has been nice.

I broke a couple of larger projects into small tasks and then put tasks from each of the projects on my to do lists each day. It has let me feel like I am moving forward on all of them without letting any one of them fall to the wayside, or without letting one of them take over completely. That has actually been my problem in the past. I’ll work on one project trying to get a lot done on it and then other things I need to take care of slide off the radar. Then I switch and try to make up ground on that one, which causes all the others to fall behind. This way i keep everyone moving forward at a steady pace. who knew all it too was a little thought and a to do list to keep me on track?Or that just striking through a completed task would make me feel so good.

And because of the rain and my inability to go on my walks I am flying through my to do lists. So O feel industrious and yet jittery at the same time. A strange feeling, but at least I know why. Its when I get jittery for no reason that I start to worry. So no worries, just the wiggles. And if they occur tomorrow there might be a short yoga session before the Friday face mask.


The Daily: September 16th, 2020

Today I found another benefit of wearing masks in public. You know beyond not spreading disease. I had a conversation with a man who generally spits when he talks. Today we were both masked and the conversation was a lot more pleasant.

Other than that it has been a pretty quiet day. I went on my walks and for some reason had a cinnamon toast crunch craving at lunch time so I had a bowl of cereal for lunch. I’m not entirely sure how the Cinnamon Toast Crunch got into the pantry. I think when my babydoll stopped at the grocery by himself and I said, could you pick up cereal, he found a two for one special or something. Because my usual honey nut cheerios are in the pantry, this was just next to them.

And there are several bags of gummie bears which is his go to snack candy.

It was sort of a clue.

And why I usually don’t sent him to the grocery on his own.

I have to say, the cereal was a bad idea for lunch. I haven’t had this much sugar in a while. I was productive right after lunch and then I got jittery and then I wanted a nap. I’ve cut out a lot of sugar from my diet in the past year and with the exception of my ice cream birthday cake I’ve been doing pretty good on keeping it out.

Not today.

Today has just been wild. I don’t remember sugar affecting me this much before. Sweets were never my downfall before I went on my diet. It was the savory that always drew me in so I didn’t really think that much of it as I started cutting out the excess sugar from the few things I ate. But Wow. Sugar rush. Sugar crash and a bit of sugar nausea.

Its almost like instant Karma.

Admittedly that is not a well loved breakfast cereal. “Instant Karma Cereal – go for the pretty and feel the pain.” Or maybe that is Masochist-ios. I always get those two confused.

Beyond that I did have something I forgot to add to my Glossy Box Skincare Eye Boost Post. There are now Skincare Bundles available. With your exclusive Subscriber discount bundles start from just $27, with savings of up 68%. You can also use your Glossie credit on the bundles as well. You get the credit for reviewing the items in the box and then get to apply it to purchases like the skincare. The bundling lets you choose your own skin care concerns too which is kind of neat. Anyway I forgot to add that to the Eye Boost Post so there you have it.

Now I’m going to temper this sugar crash with a mug of Builders and make a giant spinach salad for dinner. At the moment I am well within my calories but I can’t say I feel especially good about my food choices today.

I am very glad I discovered a more pleasant way to have a conversation with a person who spits when he talks though, so there is that. Happy Wednesday.


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The Daily: September 15th, 2020

Have you ever had one of those meetings where you said all you needed to say in the first five minutes and then sat there as everyone else went over the same information repeatedly, arguing the same points with slightly different wording until you begin to wonder if they are even remotely listening to what they are saying let alone what anyone else is talking about?

That was where I spent the bulk of my day.

At the end of those sorts of meetings I always feel like I have stockpiled time off in pergatory so if I ever do anything that is condemnation worthy Saint peter will shave off a little time calling it Time Served.

At least that is the only point I can think of for sitting through such meetings.

And I didn’t shoot rubber bands at anyone.

Mostly because I didn’t have any and I was pretending to be a real adult instead of a faux one.

I might have been less of an adult if I did have rubber bands. Especially after the third repetition of the phrase, “What I’m really trying to say here is…”

And my adult like behavior was rewarded. I was invited back in the spring for round two of the same project. It will feel like a better thing once my brain is not mush.

Luckily i got my walk in earlier so I feel like I actually managed to accomplish something today. And luckily no one looked at my notes. Midway through the meeting I had a story idea involving a murder and noted down some police procedures I needed to look up. Since at that point my involvement was done until the spring, I was just waiting until i could escape so the notes helped me looked interested. And at least it was a strangulation murder so I wasn’t noting down poisons.

Such is life. So we are having a baked potato dinner tonight (mostly because we have potatoes we need to use up and as long as I lean more towards chives than either bacon bits or sour cream, I should be able to stay well within my calories today. So there is a bonus. I got a walk in, didn’t bust my calories and behaved like an adult in public. I also have an extended contract for the Spring and I made a note never to bring rubber bands to any meetings I attend for this company.

Its best to leave temptation outside.

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The Daily: September 14th, 2020

I’ve noticed something interesting with my month long lack of scale experiment. I’ve noticed that I have become far more lenient on myself over the weekend. Before, since I weighed myself on Fridays, I would go into the weekend knowing exactly what i weighed and I would use the scale to keep myself from extravagances.

If my weight loss was good I would remind myself of how much work it took to make it good. If it was not a loss I would tell myself I couldn’t justify an indulgent treat. without that mental not, that visual confirmation, I’ve noticed I’ve been justifying more treats for myself on the weekend than usual. I am also a little lax about marking down calories on the weekend.

This has started to make me feel as though I need to work extra hard on Mondays to make certain that I make up for the weekend. I have to say, I don’t like the feeling of starting the week feeling like I need to make up ground.

To be honest it gives me a little bit of anxiety.

I started this month without a scale as a sort of nod to a family member who has struggled and is struggling with an eating disorder. While I am losing weight to get healthy she is dealing with weight and health from the opposite end of the spectrum. Both of us have issues with the scale. she challenged me to go without the scale for a month so that is what I am doing.

What I’ve learned thus far is that while I like listening to my body and assessing how I feel, the scale actually takes a bit of stress off me. I like using it as a tool. I have hit several plateaus in my weight loss journey and the scale is more of sign post than a strict monitoring system. It is sort of a voice to say, yeah, what you are doing is working or maybe ‘I think it might be time to shake things up again’.

I find this a very strange thing to realize. When I first got on the scale at the beginning of this plan I was quite frankly terrified of the scale and what it would tell me. while I will probably never consider it a friend, using it as a tool helps keep my anxiety in check. This is the last week where Friday will have no official scale weigh in. My first weigh in will be September 25th. I think that the change that i will be making to my weigh ins moving forward is I will not be putting a goal weight on the statistics. While I chose the goal number because it was within the range my doctor gave me, I think having it there does put too much emphasis on the number. So once I start using the scale as a tool again, I will just continue my journey until I believe my body is healthy and feels good, not aiming for a specific number.

I know everyone has different weight/health issues in their world, both their own and those of their loved ones. Each body is different and needs to be understood on it’s own, but there are times when we tangle with others. As the saying goes, no man is an island. More than anything else, this month has taught me how I think about certain things as well as how I verbalize them. It has also shown me ways I can adjust some of the things I saw and do with regards to others.

I know a little heavier than I planned for a Monday check in. It just felt right to share some of my thoughts about this no scale and how it has affected me as I go into the final stretch of the 30 days without the scale.


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Weekly Weight: 3rd Week No Scale

Morning all. This week was a bit tumultuous. And I’ll admit there were a few days where my calorie count was broken. But I think I have managed to once again wrestle control of things, at least temporarily and I am back on track.

That has always been the key to any diet. Before when I would try to lose weight I would try, and do an okay job at it and then something would happen and I would get discouraged and give up. Now no matter what happens, I take the hit, understand that life happens and then get back on track.

Because in the end this isn’t about looking a certain way or fitting into a certain stereotypical image. It is about my health. Let’s face it when I was younger and in great shape I didn’t wear bikinis because I didn’t like feeling that exposed when I went to the swimming pool, so it isn’t like I’m trying for that now. I want to take pressure off of my knees and ankle joints as my primary goal.

Admittedly fitting into a smaller size of jeans this week was a really nice feeling.

And without the scale feelings are what I am going on for my assessment.

And today I feel pretty good. My eyes are a little puffy from the end of summer allergens floating through the air. I’m not certain what plant causes it but my eyes will be itchy and puffy from about now until the first cold snap that puts everything in it’s place. I’ll take something to help my nose before bed each night and then poof I will wake up, the dew will be a slightly crispy crust on the grass until the sun touches them and like magic no more puffy eyes until spring.

As far as allergies go it’s pretty mild, more an annoyance than actual trouble. Of course now even the slightest sniffle in public can cause you to be an instant pariah with people clearing a wide swath around you. As I personally know at least five people in my area with far worse allergies than me I’m sure the next few weeks will be fun to watch. Our local news has already started running the how to tell if it’s allergies and not covid broadcasts, so clearly I’m not the only one concerned.

But other than the seasonal eyeball itch, I feel pretty good physically. Mentally I am kind of spent. It was an exhausting week. This weekend I have pulled a couple of Peter Mayle Books from the shelf and plan to just sort of zone out into someone else’s fantasy world. Hopefully it will let my brain rest for a bit and recharge for Monday. Still missing the scale a bit, I can’t lie about that. But over all I think I did pretty well this week.


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The Daily: September 10th, 2020

Today was quite normal. deliciously, blessedly normal. I got up, I hit my workout goals, I stayed in my budgeted calories. I got work done. There were no catastrophes, no calamities, no banking issues and no deaths.

well okay there were probably deaths somewhere, the world being what it is.

But no one surprised me with a funeral zoom call.

It was FANTASTIC!

And surprising. I hit my to do list today with determination. Mostly because I suspected that at some point my plan for the day would have a torpedo blow a hole through it at some point. But it didn’t.

And I got things done.

Everything I put on the list got checked off. I know, I did my Santa Claus impression and checked it twice.

I know that most of the items weren’t major ones but even the little things were on the list and I have to say, while I felt silly putting those things on the list, It felt really good just to draw a line through them. i feel such a sense of accomplishment seeing the marked out list.

Adding to the feeling is that I tried on a pair of jeans that I couldn’t fit into a month ago and they fit. They are still a little snug around the waist but not uncomfortably so. They button, they zip and they are a size smaller than the pair I have been wearing.

So….everybody MAMBO!

I know I sound kind of manic. It just feels like it has been a while where I had a day without someone else chucking a freak out at me. It makes me appreciate monotony and routine in a way I never thought I would. I know at some point I’ll complain about boredom if it goes on too long, but for now, routine is nice. Getting work done is nice, and fitting into a smaller size of jeans is even nicer. Also I got enough done today that I can actually take my afternoon Face Mask Break tomorrow without worrying. Ah Friday Face Mask here I come.

The Daily: September 9th, 2020

Last night I had a glass of the Loch Lomond, two fingers neat to be perfectly clear. It is a wonderful sipping drink although usually kept for cooler months for me and quite frankly it didn’t go well with the memory of my dinner salad. But it was a memorial glass, a toast in absentia.

I forgot how good the Loch Lomond is, even out of my normal whisky season. (summer is always for gin in my book – on Friday’s I either do a martini or a Gin and tonic, once the cooler weather starts I shift to a glass of red wine or a whisky depending on the mood) This has just the right amount of peaty smoke taste for me without being overpowering. The Loch Lomond is carried by the Whisky Exchange (i’ll link them below if you are interested). Our local shops don’t carry it, or didn’t last time I looked so we always order it to keep in the cabinet. It is well loved by various visiting family members. And perfect for a memorial.

I also slept really well last night.

But I was slow getting started this morning, so there’s the trade off. And why I limit myself to one drink on Friday nights.

However I made up for it with strict calorie counting today and an added walk. Over all it turned out pretty well I think. I am still really missing the scale and I am beginning to get a little angry at some of the listed calories on the back of the packages. “Only 70 Calories per serving!” and then you find out there are five servings in what you thought was a single serving pack. So it is the usual annoyance with calorie counting, nothing new. I think it bothers me less when I have the scale to fall back on. But other than having a slow start, it has been a pretty good day. And tonight I am making spring rolls and miso soup for dinner.Yum. Salty, but yum.


The Whisky Exchange

The Daily: September 7th,2020

Today’s post is going to be short and sweet. I will admit today the diet went out of the window and I didn’t do much in the way of exercising. I blame the weekend. With a three day weekend and a break in the weather, my baby doll and I took the time to do a boat load of chores. we started outside and trimmed bushes and started clearing out the spent plants from the garden.

Wasps nest were attacked and the two of us sweated and took care of all of the larger chores we put off because it was too hot and muggy to work outside for to long. Don’t get me wrong, it was still ot and w both sweat buckets, but it wasn’t as bad as it had been.

Then once the outside was finished, we worked on the inside of the house, cleaning and tidying everything from top to bottom. So the yard is in order and the house is clean. The thing is, neither of us really felt like eating much after working in the heat so this weekend we sort of ate light while working hard. So today, after recovering this morning, my babydoll announced healthy was taking the day off and ordered pizza.

I decided that I wasn’t going to bother counting calories. I also didn’t mark down my activity over the weekend. I’m about 6o% sure it balances out. But for now I am not going to worry about it. My body is sore from the yard and housework, and I am declaring holiday rules where the food is concerned. Tomorrow I’ll get back to healthy meals and my regular schedule. For now, I am not going to sweat it and be grateful that tomorrow I can’t get on the scale. (I’m sure that will worry me later.)I am also taking the rest of the day off. I’ve done enough labor this weekend that I can now happy revel in a little time off for Labor day. I hope you are enjoying your extended weekend, if you get one. Tomorrow it is back to our regularly scheduled program. Happy Labor day.