Weekly Weight: 216.4 lbs

The Scale: October 23rd, 2020

Okay I am calm and relaxed. I know I was a bit of a mess yesterday. And as I suspected, I was a bit of a mess all the way upto the time the car pulled into the driveway. Then I was calm and relaxed. The visit was short and fun. I enjoyed myself immensely.

And once it was over I sort of collapsed.

Yeah, I wore myself out. And I apologize for the super stressed out daily post from yesterday. That was just the first time anyone who doesn’t live under my roof has been closer than my mailbox since March. It was surprisingly nerve wracking.

But it is done and we are moving on. With the exception of yesterday’s pound cake I did pretty good this week in following my diet and exercise routine. As my plan had to adapt mid week, I am pleased to see my efforts pay off. At the moment the place where I can see my efforts the most is in the bottom of my sneakers. I have some worn patches on them that let me know, I really need to replace them soon. Luckily I have their replacements ready and waiting.

So to the stats we go.

Starting Weight: 246 lbs

Last week’s Weight: 217.6 lbs

This week’s weight: 216.4 lbs

Lost this week: 1.2 lbs

Lost over all: 29.6 lbs.

So this week was more stressful than it had to be, but I still managed to get the scale to go down a little. My slow and steady progress is still slow and steady. Sometimes frustratingly slow. But that is just my instant gratification button wanting to be pushed. I’ll live if it isn’t. And in fact I’ll be better if it isn’t. Rapid weight loss makes me think that something wrong has occurred. I just need to temper my own impatience. And be happy about losing over a pound this week. As stress usually causes me to gain weight, that is minor miracle. And yes part of the impatience is due to yesterday’s visit and photos shared. But comparing myself to others won’t get me anywhere in the weight loss game. It just makes me feel impatient with my own body and that is never a good start. So I am shoving away my impatience and celebrating my 1.2 lbs loss this week with an extra walk through the park. I’m also going to spend the weekend immersed in Vincent Price horror movies which will not only kick of our in house week before Halloween fright fest, but it will switch the mental gears from comparing myself to others to wondering what you actually say to a contractor when you want to build a pit of acid in your basement. seriously, how do you commission that? Not that I intend to install one. Or even have a basement. But I have always been curious.

So 1.2 lbs gone (woo Hoo!), celebratory walk on tap and a weekend filled with old school horror. That’s me sorted. Hope you are up for your weekend.

The Daily: October 13th, 2020

Well I won’t go as far as to call this afternoon sunny, but at least it isn’t raining and the walking path dried up enough that I could actually get a walk in. Yup, the floods receded, leaving scads of dead crawfish and flogs scattered across the walk way. The midges swarmed, the scavengers swooped and I managed to avoid sliding down the hill on my butt as my foot hit a patch of still slick mud.

It was a near thing though.

But I triumphed.

Well I got my walk in anyway.

It is still humid so I returned soaked in my own sweat and smelling vaguely of bad shellfish. Mostly from what the cuffs of my jeans picked up. They (and everything else I was wearing) went straight into the washing machine and i went straight into the shower.

I will say though, it was a nice test for the new deodorant. My stash of Dove powder scented solids finally ran out so I decided to give a new deodorant a try for a while. I tried a natural deodorant from Speak for a while (mostly because it came in my Petit Vour Box) and I really liked it, other than the fact that it came in a can and I had to apply it with my fingers. It performed better than I expected. I know they are planning to have the same product out in a stick form soon and I keep looking out for it, but haven’t seen it yet.

I still had my stash of regular deodorants to get through so I there was no rush. But now I have cleared out my stock pile (there was a two for one sale of two packs around the time the pandemic started causing people to stock up and self isolate so I picked up two two packs) so instead of just replacing as usual, I decided to give the brand Native a try. I picked up the Cucumber and Mint. I wanted to try the seasonal blood orange and clove but it is only available online. If the cucumber and mint turns out okay then I may have to place an order for some backups.

I picked it up last week, but with the rain cancelling most of my walking time it didn’t get a really good workout until today. While the cucumber mint scent fades pretty quickly, when I got back from my walk my underarms were actually less stinky than the rest of my clothes. In a few days, when the scavengers have cleared away the sun aired creek bed smorgasbord I will try again and see how it fares without the external stench to compete with. But so far, so good. I’ll keep you posted on how it goes in case any of you are looking into all natural deodorant. I also saw when at the store they had versions with no plastic as an alternative. so if i do decide this works for me there are plenty of routes to take. which i find fun and fabulous.

Other than the deodorant test it has been pretty quiet. Which is nice. A good solid workday without massive excitement is rather appreciated. i am quite happy to have the most exciting part of the day my deodorant test.I know the quiet won’t last, it never does. So I enjoy it while i can. And I happily got my walk in – fish guts and all. And as a bonus, at least this time, no startled birds dropped any fish on me from above. Once was more than enough for that.

I hope you got whatever sort of day you most needed today as well.

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Weekly Weight: 218.2 lbs

The Scale, October 9th, 2020

I know I am running a little behind today, but this morning has been a little surreal. I got up and stripped down to step on the scale. I stepped on the scale, took the picture and wiggled in a little happy dance. I may not believe that the scale’s numbers are the end all be all of my life but it is nice to have some validation of my efforts.

However as I reached for my clothes and began to dress, still bobbing my head to an impromptu happy dance. To the tune of “two pounds gone, oh yeah, two pounds gone, the sweat was worth it.”

Okay calling it a tune might be stretching the truth and possibly be an insult to music in general. But I was dancing to it nonetheless. When suddenly my bedroom was filled with flashing blue lights.

Sadly my first thought was “My dancing’s not that bad”.

I then realized I was still half naked and that if the police were indeed hunting me down for some unknown misdeed then I wanted to be fully clothed. So I finished dressing very quickly.

Turns out the police did not want to take me in for crimes against music. They were here for one of my neighbors. Incidentally the neighbor whose radio caused me to think i was going insane earlier in the week.

I have no idea what is up. In general I live in a pretty quiet neighborhood. Its one of those neighborhoods that is in the process of transitioning. We have a lot of folks who have lived here for fifty years and if they leave they are either going to an assisted living facility or the funeral home. Then we have a couple of young families with really little kids. Excitement in my neighborhood generally means an ambulance and the start of the house finding a new owner or my neighbor with dementia accusing one of the other neighbors of stealing her fudge pops.

For diabolical purposes I’m certain.

But I’m sure later I will find out what is going on with the neighbor and the police. with everyone working from home more (at least those that aren’t retired) gossip spreads along the walking trail even with everyone more than six feet away. which also means it is spread loudly to over come both distance and masks so you get to hear everything. I now know gossip about people I’ve never met. it’s kind of fun.

Anyway, that is for later. At the moment, I am happy my sweat paid off and my weight is going back down. Two pounds is a great loss for me this week and quite frankly provided me with the encouragement I needed to keep going. The weight gain from the month without a scale really got me down. this makes me want to continue. So to the new and improved stats!

Starting weight: 246 lbs

Last week’s Weight: 220.2 lbs

This week’s weight: 218.2 lbs

Lost this week: 2 lbs

Lost in total: 27.8 lbs

I am no longer putting a goal weight as I am just going to work at chipping away the excess until I feel healthy and am in a healthy weight range according to my doctor. I can use the scale as a tool without being ruled by it. And I can still enjoy the two lbs loss happy dance. It is not even illegal, as far as I know.

The Daily: September 21st, 2020

Oh my darlings, autumn has arrived! Well, okay technically it officially arrives tomorrow I believe, but last night I was startled out of a sound sleep by the sound of the heat actually kicking on. It didn’t stay on long, just about an hour or so and then it clicked back off. But it left that first run of the season scent lingering in the air which made me think the house was on fire for the remainder of the night.

So I didn’t exactly get much sleep.

And had fire related nightmares.

But it was worth losing a little sleep to be able to walk today and not turn into a sweaty pile of goo. For the first time in a few months I actually finished my regular walk and then looked at the walking trail extension, contemplating taking it.

Unfortunately Monday always comes with a long to do list so I decided against it. However tonight when I set up tomorrow’s schedule I might be building in the extension to my plan for the day, because if anything tomorrow is supposed to be a few degrees cooler. Dare I dream that the summer’s heat is finally broken?

Fingers crossed. I could do with a nice long stretch of autumnal weather. I’m not a huge fan of the cold but after this summer I am all for it. If autumn doesn’t feel like hanging on I am perfectly okay with slipping straight into winter. I am just ready to see this beast of a summer end.

You know what else I really wanted to see end? My time without a scale. I was ready for it too. Even if I ended up a few pounds during my free form dieting I was prepared, I just wanted to actually see what the numbers were. And I would like to say that technically the thirty days was up on the 18th so I was just going to weigh myself on the 25th as the first Friday after my 30 days without a scale was done. I felt virtuous in convincing myself to wait until Friday. It was an easy virtue to hold to as the scale still isn’t back in the house.

However the second cousin I was avoiding the scale in support of as she wrestles with her eating disorder and scale obsession informed me that it was the calendar month, not thirty days and that the end of September is when I get the scale back. I was pretty sure it was a test to see if I was as focused on the scale as she thinks everyone one really is even though they hide it (an ongoing conversation) so I breezily said, Oh Okay I’ll just do my official weigh in on October second then, no sweat.

She looked shocked, her mother looked relieved and I was told later that it was indeed a set up no one managed to tell me of in advance because she just knew I was obsessed with the scale too and was waiting to pounce with an AH HA, J’accuse moment.

Family, huh?

So my curiosity will wait another week. I’m about 70% sure it won’t eat me alive before then. On the bright side, at least this week is filled with lovely weather in which I can walk outside without turning into a complete sweat ball. I can live with that.

Weekly Weight: Fourth week no scale

I have to say I am somewhat relieved to see the title. More than anything the curiosity is eating me alive. Living without a scale for a month has been a bit of a trial. I’m glad I did it, and I learned several things about myself in the process, some of which will help me moving forward, others are things I really just need to keep an eye on.

I’ve learned that lists are really handy to keep me moving and motivated. I’ve learned that sometimes my body will let me know when it is not happy with my bad decisions. I’ve also learned that weekends are my weak spots. During the week I am very good at writing down my calories, getting my workouts in and generally staying on track. Once the clock hits end of work on Friday evening, I am not that great at remembering any of those things.

My brain sort of says ‘weekend’ and then shuts off. Part of it is that I am not at my desk as much over the weekend, so logging things in is harder to remember. At my desk I have a note pad set up to jot things down and make sure they are logged. On weekends, I lose that. I think that is also where I miss the scale the most. I really like having that friday accountability. There is no wiggle room. The scale shows the numbers to you in bold numbers. There is no interpretation of feelings. Just the numbers.

Good or bad, those numbers help me on the weekend. If I did well I can talk myself out of a little something extra because I haven’t earned it, and if the numbers are good I can use them to talk myself out of a little something extra because I don’t want to undo all the work I did the week before. without that I sort of drift.

It makes me very worried that this month without the scale I did put on weight. So the 25th is looming large in my mind as the first day back on the scale.

And this past thirty days wasn’t the most placid of months for me either. Admittedly when I had the bank issues with someone hacking my account after dealing with it instead of stress eating I spent time researching voodoo dolls. So that is something at least. Still the stress was strong this month.

I did learn that while I use the scale and it’s number to keep me motivated, the end weight goal is really nit that important to me. I put up the number because it was within the doctor approved healthy range and it was exactly half of my starting weight and thus made a fun goal. But beyond that, it didn’t mean all that much to me.

Also through conversations with a family member who is recovering from an eating disorder, with therapy, I’ve learned to explain why I use the scale as a tool and will continue to use it in a way that is acceptable to her and compatible with my telling her that the scale should not be relied upon for a holy grail number. Its also why I am no longer going to put up a goal number and just continue on my weight loss until I am within a healthy range and not to achieve a specific number.

So over all this month has been a good thing. I will still be relieved to get my scale back (I sent it out of the house so I wouldn’t be tempted to cheat). Even if I did gain weight, which I will consider acceptable this month (even if I don’t really like the possibility) I will be very happy to know my current weight. Its the curiosity that is really getting to me. But for both family and self, it was definitely worth taking a month away from the scale to think about why and how I want to use it moving forward. I don’t now who out there is in the same weight loss boat as I am, but I hope these posts have helped you as well. I will be keeping up my daily posts next week. I might even keep them as a regular feature moving forward. Feel fee to let me know if you’d like to see them continue.

The Daily: September 16th, 2020

Today I found another benefit of wearing masks in public. You know beyond not spreading disease. I had a conversation with a man who generally spits when he talks. Today we were both masked and the conversation was a lot more pleasant.

Other than that it has been a pretty quiet day. I went on my walks and for some reason had a cinnamon toast crunch craving at lunch time so I had a bowl of cereal for lunch. I’m not entirely sure how the Cinnamon Toast Crunch got into the pantry. I think when my babydoll stopped at the grocery by himself and I said, could you pick up cereal, he found a two for one special or something. Because my usual honey nut cheerios are in the pantry, this was just next to them.

And there are several bags of gummie bears which is his go to snack candy.

It was sort of a clue.

And why I usually don’t sent him to the grocery on his own.

I have to say, the cereal was a bad idea for lunch. I haven’t had this much sugar in a while. I was productive right after lunch and then I got jittery and then I wanted a nap. I’ve cut out a lot of sugar from my diet in the past year and with the exception of my ice cream birthday cake I’ve been doing pretty good on keeping it out.

Not today.

Today has just been wild. I don’t remember sugar affecting me this much before. Sweets were never my downfall before I went on my diet. It was the savory that always drew me in so I didn’t really think that much of it as I started cutting out the excess sugar from the few things I ate. But Wow. Sugar rush. Sugar crash and a bit of sugar nausea.

Its almost like instant Karma.

Admittedly that is not a well loved breakfast cereal. “Instant Karma Cereal – go for the pretty and feel the pain.” Or maybe that is Masochist-ios. I always get those two confused.

Beyond that I did have something I forgot to add to my Glossy Box Skincare Eye Boost Post. There are now Skincare Bundles available. With your exclusive Subscriber discount bundles start from just $27, with savings of up 68%. You can also use your Glossie credit on the bundles as well. You get the credit for reviewing the items in the box and then get to apply it to purchases like the skincare. The bundling lets you choose your own skin care concerns too which is kind of neat. Anyway I forgot to add that to the Eye Boost Post so there you have it.

Now I’m going to temper this sugar crash with a mug of Builders and make a giant spinach salad for dinner. At the moment I am well within my calories but I can’t say I feel especially good about my food choices today.

I am very glad I discovered a more pleasant way to have a conversation with a person who spits when he talks though, so there is that. Happy Wednesday.


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The Daily: September 14th, 2020

I’ve noticed something interesting with my month long lack of scale experiment. I’ve noticed that I have become far more lenient on myself over the weekend. Before, since I weighed myself on Fridays, I would go into the weekend knowing exactly what i weighed and I would use the scale to keep myself from extravagances.

If my weight loss was good I would remind myself of how much work it took to make it good. If it was not a loss I would tell myself I couldn’t justify an indulgent treat. without that mental not, that visual confirmation, I’ve noticed I’ve been justifying more treats for myself on the weekend than usual. I am also a little lax about marking down calories on the weekend.

This has started to make me feel as though I need to work extra hard on Mondays to make certain that I make up for the weekend. I have to say, I don’t like the feeling of starting the week feeling like I need to make up ground.

To be honest it gives me a little bit of anxiety.

I started this month without a scale as a sort of nod to a family member who has struggled and is struggling with an eating disorder. While I am losing weight to get healthy she is dealing with weight and health from the opposite end of the spectrum. Both of us have issues with the scale. she challenged me to go without the scale for a month so that is what I am doing.

What I’ve learned thus far is that while I like listening to my body and assessing how I feel, the scale actually takes a bit of stress off me. I like using it as a tool. I have hit several plateaus in my weight loss journey and the scale is more of sign post than a strict monitoring system. It is sort of a voice to say, yeah, what you are doing is working or maybe ‘I think it might be time to shake things up again’.

I find this a very strange thing to realize. When I first got on the scale at the beginning of this plan I was quite frankly terrified of the scale and what it would tell me. while I will probably never consider it a friend, using it as a tool helps keep my anxiety in check. This is the last week where Friday will have no official scale weigh in. My first weigh in will be September 25th. I think that the change that i will be making to my weigh ins moving forward is I will not be putting a goal weight on the statistics. While I chose the goal number because it was within the range my doctor gave me, I think having it there does put too much emphasis on the number. So once I start using the scale as a tool again, I will just continue my journey until I believe my body is healthy and feels good, not aiming for a specific number.

I know everyone has different weight/health issues in their world, both their own and those of their loved ones. Each body is different and needs to be understood on it’s own, but there are times when we tangle with others. As the saying goes, no man is an island. More than anything else, this month has taught me how I think about certain things as well as how I verbalize them. It has also shown me ways I can adjust some of the things I saw and do with regards to others.

I know a little heavier than I planned for a Monday check in. It just felt right to share some of my thoughts about this no scale and how it has affected me as I go into the final stretch of the 30 days without the scale.


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Weekly Weight: 3rd Week No Scale

Morning all. This week was a bit tumultuous. And I’ll admit there were a few days where my calorie count was broken. But I think I have managed to once again wrestle control of things, at least temporarily and I am back on track.

That has always been the key to any diet. Before when I would try to lose weight I would try, and do an okay job at it and then something would happen and I would get discouraged and give up. Now no matter what happens, I take the hit, understand that life happens and then get back on track.

Because in the end this isn’t about looking a certain way or fitting into a certain stereotypical image. It is about my health. Let’s face it when I was younger and in great shape I didn’t wear bikinis because I didn’t like feeling that exposed when I went to the swimming pool, so it isn’t like I’m trying for that now. I want to take pressure off of my knees and ankle joints as my primary goal.

Admittedly fitting into a smaller size of jeans this week was a really nice feeling.

And without the scale feelings are what I am going on for my assessment.

And today I feel pretty good. My eyes are a little puffy from the end of summer allergens floating through the air. I’m not certain what plant causes it but my eyes will be itchy and puffy from about now until the first cold snap that puts everything in it’s place. I’ll take something to help my nose before bed each night and then poof I will wake up, the dew will be a slightly crispy crust on the grass until the sun touches them and like magic no more puffy eyes until spring.

As far as allergies go it’s pretty mild, more an annoyance than actual trouble. Of course now even the slightest sniffle in public can cause you to be an instant pariah with people clearing a wide swath around you. As I personally know at least five people in my area with far worse allergies than me I’m sure the next few weeks will be fun to watch. Our local news has already started running the how to tell if it’s allergies and not covid broadcasts, so clearly I’m not the only one concerned.

But other than the seasonal eyeball itch, I feel pretty good physically. Mentally I am kind of spent. It was an exhausting week. This weekend I have pulled a couple of Peter Mayle Books from the shelf and plan to just sort of zone out into someone else’s fantasy world. Hopefully it will let my brain rest for a bit and recharge for Monday. Still missing the scale a bit, I can’t lie about that. But over all I think I did pretty well this week.


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The Daily: September 10th, 2020

Today was quite normal. deliciously, blessedly normal. I got up, I hit my workout goals, I stayed in my budgeted calories. I got work done. There were no catastrophes, no calamities, no banking issues and no deaths.

well okay there were probably deaths somewhere, the world being what it is.

But no one surprised me with a funeral zoom call.

It was FANTASTIC!

And surprising. I hit my to do list today with determination. Mostly because I suspected that at some point my plan for the day would have a torpedo blow a hole through it at some point. But it didn’t.

And I got things done.

Everything I put on the list got checked off. I know, I did my Santa Claus impression and checked it twice.

I know that most of the items weren’t major ones but even the little things were on the list and I have to say, while I felt silly putting those things on the list, It felt really good just to draw a line through them. i feel such a sense of accomplishment seeing the marked out list.

Adding to the feeling is that I tried on a pair of jeans that I couldn’t fit into a month ago and they fit. They are still a little snug around the waist but not uncomfortably so. They button, they zip and they are a size smaller than the pair I have been wearing.

So….everybody MAMBO!

I know I sound kind of manic. It just feels like it has been a while where I had a day without someone else chucking a freak out at me. It makes me appreciate monotony and routine in a way I never thought I would. I know at some point I’ll complain about boredom if it goes on too long, but for now, routine is nice. Getting work done is nice, and fitting into a smaller size of jeans is even nicer. Also I got enough done today that I can actually take my afternoon Face Mask Break tomorrow without worrying. Ah Friday Face Mask here I come.

The Daily: September 7th,2020

Today’s post is going to be short and sweet. I will admit today the diet went out of the window and I didn’t do much in the way of exercising. I blame the weekend. With a three day weekend and a break in the weather, my baby doll and I took the time to do a boat load of chores. we started outside and trimmed bushes and started clearing out the spent plants from the garden.

Wasps nest were attacked and the two of us sweated and took care of all of the larger chores we put off because it was too hot and muggy to work outside for to long. Don’t get me wrong, it was still ot and w both sweat buckets, but it wasn’t as bad as it had been.

Then once the outside was finished, we worked on the inside of the house, cleaning and tidying everything from top to bottom. So the yard is in order and the house is clean. The thing is, neither of us really felt like eating much after working in the heat so this weekend we sort of ate light while working hard. So today, after recovering this morning, my babydoll announced healthy was taking the day off and ordered pizza.

I decided that I wasn’t going to bother counting calories. I also didn’t mark down my activity over the weekend. I’m about 6o% sure it balances out. But for now I am not going to worry about it. My body is sore from the yard and housework, and I am declaring holiday rules where the food is concerned. Tomorrow I’ll get back to healthy meals and my regular schedule. For now, I am not going to sweat it and be grateful that tomorrow I can’t get on the scale. (I’m sure that will worry me later.)I am also taking the rest of the day off. I’ve done enough labor this weekend that I can now happy revel in a little time off for Labor day. I hope you are enjoying your extended weekend, if you get one. Tomorrow it is back to our regularly scheduled program. Happy Labor day.